Side Effects

By now, many of us have heard the story of the execution of a murderer in Ohio who seemed to refuse to die after he was injected with lethal drugs. Instead of passing on quickly and painlessly as expected, he appeared to struggle for at least 10 minutes, at one point clenching his fist.

Apparently, authorities in Ohio had to use a new combination of drugs, because the European pharmaceutical companies that make what Ohio had previously employed to kill bad guys didn’t want their products used for executions anymore. Ohio was running out of its supply of the Europeans' stuff, so it came up with its own, previously untried "cocktail."

Please forgive me when I say there’s a faint Final Solution-y echo to this discussion. The difference being, of course, that the Nazis weren’t worried about whether their victims died in pain – their concern was efficiency and cost – pfennigs and Deutschmarks.

This is not a subject for humor – but because it’s so black it almost begs for it. Some might say, for example, that Big Pharma shouldn’t be relied upon to supply something that would kill quickly – they are much better at killing us slowly….When it comes to execution drugs, should there be a warning label on them saying that one of the unintended side effects may be LIFE?...One of my favorite lines from a prominent comedian, uttered during the first Jerry Brown administration, concerned California’s obsession with green power. “Don’t commit a capital offense here,” said the comic. “Gov. Jerry Brown will put you in a solar-powered electric chair, and it will take you a year to die!” Ba-doom-boom.

I’ve often wondered what method of execution produces the quickest death. It turns out this is all quite a science. I saw that movie about an English expert whose advice was sought before every hanging when the U.K. still used that method. He had to calculate the weight of the bad guy, the length of the drop, etc., which involved a detailed knowledge of both anatomy and physics. The unsavory elements of the electric chair and the gas chamber are well known to us, thanks to Hollywood. Personally, I always thought the French had it right. The guillotine, while messy, seems to get the job done.

In my blackest humor on this topic, I once joked that executions should be publicly available live pay-per-view cable TV events, with the proceeds going to the crime victim’s family. I kept that to myself, thinking it was too crude a thing to say, but somebody eventually came up with the same idea and turned it into a movie.

Ah, but aren’t the victim’s family and friends entitled to just a little revenge? An Ohio judge said there was nothing in the law that guaranteed a pain-free execution.

Wow. I think we need to stop here, take a breath, and play back some of this. Can we really be seriously discussing (with all the appropriate legal head-scratching) the best methods to use for a painless execution? Do we not have a forest-and-trees problem here?

All I can say is, after using any of these, if death is taking more than four hours, contact a physician immediately.

Flesh and Blood

 It’s disheartening to see that the federal budget deal includes a reduction in the cost of living increase for the military pensions of those who are still in uniform – designed to save about $6 billion over 10 years The cut is a drop in the proverbial bucket and affects only 1 percent of the military – but there are numbers, and then there are people.

While disabled veterans were spared this cut – and while benefits for veterans have actually improved in recent years -- it’s distressing to watch the rules being changed for players still on the field.

In civilian life, those wearing uniforms seem to get a much better deal. Retiring cops and firefighters who have put in their time and been judicious with their money can actually leave the job wealthy, and the ability to retire on disability is sometimes misused. Is it because our local heroes are fighting wars here at home – and the ones doing it elsewhere aren’t top-of-mind? As dangerous as police work or fighting fires is, does it compare with being in the middle of a shooting war?

Of course, it’s true that only some of those in the military will ever get close to shooting at the enemy, or being shot at. But they are available to do so, if needed. Similarly, while the potential is always there, cops and firefighters don’t see “action” every day – but they are there because we need them. As they rise in the ranks, they are paid more, while the chance that they will be out facing danger lessens.

In one of my earliest jobs, I had a boss who was always complaining about “overhead” – meaning for him, “Too many people work here, and they are paid too much!” The number of people was in the debatable range, but trust me – we weren’t paid enough, even by our industry standard.

Pentagon bosses who support the military pension cuts say the money going out the door for pensions could be better used tor training and other improvements. But what about the promises made to real human beings? Would such cuts be necessary if the resources available were better managed?

As an aside, I am actually in favor of re-instituting the draft – not because I love war. Quite the opposite, in fact – I wouldn’t want to see people drafted. But just having the system in place would ensure that the general public – and the voters – remain engaged with this subject. Would the President and our legislators have as easy a time involving us in never-ending wars if the public were paying attention? Jeez, both World War II and the Civil War lasted less than five years.

But I digress. I have developed a real distaste for the word “entitlement,” – or rather, the way it’s being used. An entitlement is something that’s owed to people based on a promise in exchange for something. Social Security isn’t a perk – those getting it paid into the system all their working lives. Those in the military serve their country at relatively low rates of pay, but have been promised certain retirement benefits. Some of these folks have fought in our never-ending wars. Don’t they deserve better?

But We Like Him, Don't We?

A lot of us, including me, have enjoyed spending this week whacking away at Chris Christie. Will Fort Lee-gate (or GWB-gate) be his undoing if he tries to run for President? Depends on the American attention span. But look, he wouldn’t be a contender unless there was something about him we liked. Go on, admit it.

He is perceived as a plain speaker who says what’s on his mind when it needs to be said, even if we don’t like what he says sometimes. The scandal will prove his undoing only if he is shown to be an outright liar – or at the least, a very poor administrator who didn’t know what he should have known (the latter isn’t a deal-breaker by any means: Ronald Reagan?).

President Obama is not perceived as a plain speaker, but as someone who seems to talk out of both sides of his mouth when he feels it necessary, or whose opinions “evolve” when it’s politically convenient. That doesn’t mean he is any worse, though, than recent occupants of the office, or than politicians in general.

But remember Herman Cain? He shot to the top of the Republican heap very quickly, because he had mastered the art of plain speaking. His plans were oversimplifications, though, and his problems with women also undid him. Still, that quality was attractive.

Voters found plain speaking attractive in Harry Truman – in spite of the fact that he approved dropping two atomic bombs on Japan.

If Teddy Roosevelt were a zombie, I would vote for him. He is generally thought of as the plainest of speakers, totally unafraid to stand up to special interests. Walking softly, carrying the big stick. Obviously, he wasn’t as simple as all that. Here’s the guy who became the hero of our national park system, who loved the environment – and also enjoyed hunting. But he was perceived as caring about the average citizen. Who’s the last President to have done that – and meant it?  

Maybe we can get Aaron Sorkin to deisgn us a President. The guy Martin Sheen played in The West Wing wasn’t perfect – but would probably work for me.

Android technology still has a ways to go yet, though, so for the time being, we’re stuck with finding someone who can speak to us. But it’s not just plain words. Believe it or not, dumbing down doesn’t work with the majority of voters. It’s about connecting. Can our system produce someone who really connects with us, even if we disagree sometimes -- someone we TRUST? I haven’t given up on it quite yet. But I think we’re all more than ready. We'll know it when we see it -- and listen when we hear it.

In Search of a New Rhythm

At the risk of sounding bah-humbug-ish, I’m glad the holidays are over. They are fun and uplifting in many ways, but they’re also a source of pressure and unrealistic expectations. And, of course, in 11 months or so, they will be back again. Some years, it can seem like next week.

But the “holidays” (a term which almost always should have quotes around it) are just the beginning. After New Year’s Day, what’s next?  Super Bowl Sunday. Valentine’s Day. The Oscars. St. Patrick’s Day. March Madness. Major League Baseball. Easter. Cinco de Mayo. Dads and Grads. July 4^th. (August is pretty much dark.) Labor Day. Back to School. Football. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Black Friday. Christmas/Hanukkah et al….and then we begin again. (Apologize if I left something out).

All of these occasions seem to be reasons for eating, drinking, or spending money. From a commercial point of view, there doesn’t seem to be much “down time” anymore. I guess I’m more tuned into this because I used to work in newsrooms, and in the absence of actual news events, there were always the obligatory stories that seemed to go with some holiday-ish season. Some of these days, like Halloween, might as well be actual holidays, as the observance of each seems to intensify as the years pass.

Now please don’t get me wrong – I have enjoyed many of these  – some, of course, much more than others. But there are times I get that treadmill sensation. I sometimes dream of vacationing in another country where they don’t observe some of these things, just to have a season “off.”

Holidays in other countries can actually be interesting. I flew to New Zealand once, and the plane was packed to the gills. It wasn’t just because New Zealand was that popular. I just happened to be flying there just before Waitangi Day, their national holiday, which happens in February.

But if traveling to such a place isn’t an option, the only other one is to take charge of your life and decide exactly what you’re going to participate in. Yes, it involves a certain amount of swimming against the tide. But since this is the season for resolutions, I am going to try to make 2014 at least a little different.