When it comes to race relations, I’ve often said that it
seems like perpetual lunch hour at high school. Whom will we choose to sit
with? If it’s our choice, it’s probably going to be people most like ourselves
– those who look like us and think like us. This is our free time in an
otherwise stressful day, so we want to do what’s most comfortable. Do we really
want to sit with the “others”? Will we even be welcome?
For many of us, our default position in life is not to have
our assumptions challenged, or learn anything new that might force us to think
differently. We cling to our world view because, well, it’s there. Rocked boats
and upset apple carts cause anxiety. It’s easy to maintain order in a closed
mind – the furniture stays where we put it, and where we put it eventually gets
to be where it belongs.
Often, when we encounter “others,” those encounters
reinforce, rather than break, the stereotypes. White police officers tend to encounter
black people only in the context of law enforcement situations, meaning, when
there’s real, or perceived, trouble. And it works in reverse. When the
encounter is over, the participants go back to where they were before, except
with their stereotypical views of each other solidified. And once a gun is
involved, they are rock-hard.
Our race is something we have no control over, and what
people see of us is only what our particular collection of genes puts out
front. I’ve also often said that if we all took one of those increasingly popular
DNA tests, we’d find all kinds of flies in the ointment we weren’t expecting.
We may think we’re white or black or yellow, but then we find other races in
our backgrounds – genes which could only have gotten there one way. A man and a
woman of different races had to have intimate contact – something that either
happened in recent history or many generations back. But clearly, as is often
pointed out, we are much more alike than we are different.
If we’re all going to just get along, as Rodney King once
said, we have to learn to walk and chew gum at the same time: celebrate our
diversity while also celebrating our sameness. It’s lunchtime, and maybe just
once, we can try to sit with those “others” at their table. We will be
uncomfortable, and we’re likely not going to feel welcome. But we have to start
someplace.
