Birthrate of a Nation

 

If nothing else, the current debate over abortion following the Supreme Court’s Dobbs decision is reminding us that pregnancy isn’t just about the miracle of human life. For women, it’s a major altered condition of their bodies, and weathering it requires months of discomfort. And it doesn’t always end well, with doctors fearful of prosecution in some states if they try to help a woman with a risky pregnancy.

There are politicians, mostly male, pushing the idea that women are supposed to want to have children. If they don’t, it’s just not normal. Especially if they live with a cat.

Ah, that “N” word. Normal, in most usages, has come to mean “correct.” But It seems correct only because most people act in a certain way, which leads us to normal’s narrower mathematical meaning. Remember the old bell curve?

Which brings us to a real numbers issue. The US birthrate has been declining for decades, for a number of reasons, One of the biggest is, young people have been postponing having children, or not having them at all, due to the sheer cost. That seems sensible, except that a population imbalance is looming. We are not replacing ourselves, which has consequences. For example, with more older people on Social Security and Medicare and fewer young people working and paying into the system, there is a problem.

As many have said, if men had to go through pregnancy themselves, Roe would still be the law of the land, no questions asked. But forcing women to have children, either by law or by shame, doesn’t work. Free choice isn’t just about abortion. It’s also about the freedom NOT to have children in the first place.

Just to be clear, I’m OK with not being a father, I prize sleep and free time too much, and trust me, I would never make it through the first tantrum in the supermarket. But I deeply admire those who do make the commitment to raise a child, even if it’s the toddler in the grocery cart behind me in the checkout line screaming.

Government could actually play a role here by helping couples who want to have families start them, via natural birth, IVF, and adoption. Child tax credits may be just the beginning. The goal should be to help parents BE parents, as children aren’t just cost centers but investments in the future.

I hate to throw THIS into the mix, but it’s said that one of the things keeping our population from falling into real imbalance is immigration, but that’s a discussion for another day.

 

The Whole Package

How many times have we heard a beautiful woman say of male suitors, “They only want me for my looks,” or a wealthy man say, “They only want me because I’m rich,” when speaking of the women pursuing him? (To be clear, these are only templates, you can reverse genders or plug in the orientations that suit you.)

Those comments hold, however, until each finds a suitable partner, who can accept them as a whole human being. In such cases, the man or woman may actually be grateful that their looks or their money helped attract the right candidate, who accepts their totality, including both their advantages and their flaws.

I believe that elections are no different. While it’s true that single issues or party affiliation may determine how some people vote on candidates, it’s my feeling that most voters are making choices about whole human beings and their personal qualities, not simply their stand on one issue or even bundles of issues. Why do blue states sometimes have red governors, or vice versa? Why was Republican Mitt Romney elected governor of liberal Massachusetts, or Roy Cooper, a Democrat, picked to run a red Southern state like North Carolina? Why did James Carville, a Democrat, marry Mary Matalin, a solid Republican?

Dick Cheney and his daughter Liz, both conservative Republicans, are holding their noses in almost a death grip to support Kamala Harris. No, Harris will never convert them into liberals, but the Cheneys are willing to see her as President, at least for the next four years. While they disagree with her, probably very sharply, on many issues, they, and a fair number of fellow Republicans, are admitting that she has the necessary presidential qualities that they don’t see in their own party’s candidate. They simply don’t want to run what appears to be a risk in voting for him, even though they might see that as a win on many of the issues they support.

The ability to entertain and activate an audience is a useful attribute for anyone running for office. But when people are seeking a marriage partner, a business partner, or, if you will, a political partner, the two things in common that they need to feel for their choice are trust and respect. It now seems pretty clear to many voters in whom they are going to place those things.

Say What?

 

This week’s commentary has a title a lot like last week’s, except this time, it’s on a whole different topic: pronunciation.

At college, there was a young man in my dorm named Harry who had an unfortunate obsession. If you were in conversation with him and he thought you had pronounced a word wrong, he would stop you and produce a dictionary to show you the correct way to say it.

Hypothetical example: On a recent radio talk show, I heard the guest call the host a word spelled D-O-U-R, meaning harsh, stern, or gloomy. It’s usually pronounced “dower,” like “tower,” but if Harry were around, he would whip out his dictionary and show you that the correct pronunciation rhymes with “tour.” Now, I should note that not all dictionaries agree on pronunciation, especially with words that aren’t used often. But if you were talking to Harry, you had to go by HIS book.

Proper names, of course, are the worst. Let’s say you’re at a convention and you encounter a woman with a name tag reading A-N-D-R-E-A. Does she use ANN-dree-uh, or ahn-DRAY-uh? I’m sure she would straighten you out if you got it wrong. But if she’s really important and you know she’s going to be there, you may have to do some research ahead of time.

On TV a few years back, reporters gathered for a big story in Bahrain in the Middle East. One network apparently decided that the Arabic way to say it was to spit a little, as in Bachhh-rain.” Soon, all the reporters there found themselves in a spitting contest.

Getting back to plain language, though, the next time you  go to the beach or to a hotel pool, you may lie on a chaise lounge to sun yourself. Technically, though, you are lying on a “chaise longue,” French for “long chair.” In this country, the word “longue” became “lounge” because, well, that’s what you do in the chair. Makes perfect sense to me. But if you say “chaise longue,” other people at the pool may look at you funny.

So, what are we to conclude here?  Well, language is fluid, so if the  goal is to communicate, it’s best to go with the flow, even if you don’t quite approve of where the flow is going.