Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Give Me Your Tired, Etc....

I have often said that if I ran for Congress and were elected, I would introduce two bills. The first would reduce the tax code to a single 8.5-by-11-inch sheet of paper (assuming for the moment that some of us still think in terms of sheets of paper) Anyway, Bill No. 2 would reduce the immigration code to three sheets. That involves live human beings, and it’s a little more complicated.

Immigration is back to being the top issue in our border states, and the crisis we’re dealing with now is the flood of those fleeing from Central American countries whose governments have apparently lost control over organized criminal elements – if they ever had it in the first place. These violent gangs have taken to targeting children – using them as bargaining chips in their deadly games. Naturally, their parents feel the need to ship them to a safer place. If there were ever a case for asylum, this would seem to be it. Except that if we automatically welcome these kids, how many adults might be using this issue to get them, or themselves, a free pass here?

One of the biggest headaches is adjudicating each case to see who is a legitimate asylum candidate. This flood of border crossers wasn’t anticipated, so there’s a shortage of judges who can deal with them?  What do you do with these immigrants in the meantime? Angry NIMBY crowds have shown up wherever the buses full of these people roll, demanding they be sent home.

It’s important to note that the U.S. is not the only country affected by this. Residents of dangerous places tired of living in a constant state of fear are also seeking entrance to countries to the south, even in South America.

Some perspective might be useful. What we’re calling a border crisis is a joke compared with what is happening in the Middle East. What would we do if we lived next to Syria, and a million people showed up at our doorstep?

In spite of my three-page fantasy, I have no solutions, but when it comes to immigration, there are two principles to keep in mind. First, immigration law is not set in stone. If government decided there was a critical need for one-armed cello players, the laws would be adjusted to solve the problem. One real-world exception in the code has been offering foreign capitalists special immigration status if they start a company in this country, or relocate one here, that creates jobs. Countries make these kinds of adjustments all the time.

The second principle is, since immigration law seems to require flexibility to fill a need, the rules are often going to be changed in the middle of the game. There is going to be an unavoidable element of unfairness which has to be accepted.

And there is a third principle. If we want to continue in the notion of American exceptionalism, we can’t blame those in dire circumstances in their home countries for wanting to come here, right now. Many of these people are getting here at great expense or great personal peril, as did the ancestors of many in the NIMBY crowds wherever those buses arrive. All that a substantial number in those crowds had to do was be born here. They were just lucky. Where is the fairness in that?


Deportation seems like a quick fix, but there are no quick fixes to this problem. The best we can do is engineer a system that is as fair as possible while being as flexible as possible. And we need to elect people capable of such a task. If we can’t find them here, maybe we should import some.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Facebook Apps I Think We Need

On the way down to the Ferrari showroom, I sez to myself, “Self, get ready for Easy Street! You’ll make a fortune designing Facebook apps – ones that are really necessary, to block certain things at those times that we’re just tired of seeing them. I even have names for the apps:

QuizBlock: Haven’t we all had enough of these blessed quizzes? I don’t care what kind of Downton Abbey character or Renaissance figure you “got,” what your governing emotion is, what breed of dog you’d like to be, or where you’re supposed to live that you don’t. Heck, I’m not even sure it’s you taking the quiz.

ListBlock: 10 Characteristics of a Good Boss; 10 Decisions You Should Have Made 10 Years Ago, But Didn’t; Five Most Common Deathbed Regrets, do I need to go on here?

FoodBlock: Why is it that I’m never hungry when you post what you ate at the fancy restaurant in your city that I’ll never get to?

NewsoftheWeirdBlock: I get it! The world is full of not-very-smart criminals, or people who insist on nakedness or sex in inappropriate places.

A few others, included in the deluxe software package: CatBlock, DogBlock, ToddlerBlock, and, of course, FlowerBlock.

But here’s one everybody needs: BS-Block, to shield you from pithy, quasi-spiritual philosophical sayings, usually posted in the morning, with calligraphic fonts, sometimes over puffy clouds, or flowers (but FlowerBlock may handle those).

But hey, never say never! I’d have to put a toggle button in most of these apps, because moods change, and like me, you might find yourself not only wanting to see these things occasionally, but becoming an “offender” yourself in one or more of the categories shown. (Guilty as charged!)


I wonder if they’ll let me have the Ferrari on a really long-term installment plan?