Elections can be boring. We’ve been listening to and reading
the same blah-blah for more than two years. Wake me when they stop talking
about trade policy. But ah, throw sex into the mix, and we sit bolt upright, straining
to hear the next shoe dropping.
There’s no doubt that Mr. Trump is a vile human being on
many levels, but his attitude toward women will be what sinks his candidacy for
President. We’ve learned a little bit about the electoral system that elevated
him. What about the cultural environment that helped shape him? This is an
effort to explain, not excuse.
I am about the same age as he, so grew up in a time when
gender roles were much more rigid. What defined masculinity in the media, in
terms of relations with women, especially for very young men with little
experience? There were two influences that seemed to stand out in my era: James
Bond and Playboy. Sean Connery was a classic modern male in the movies, and
Playboy gave us directions for how to do it, implying that the prize for doing
so was a centerfold companion. If you were a man with money and a little
celebrity status, you’d be entitled to these prizes if you just followed the
rules. This is a gross oversimplification, of course, and gives you more information
about me (TMI), perhaps, than it does about Mr. Trump.
The bottom line, though, is that men were offered quick and
easy directions for “scoring” with women. And in Mr. Trump’s case, it seemed
they worked much of the time, which only likely increased his sense of
entitlement, power, and control. And the women, most of whom had no power, had
to go along, fearing the consequences if they didn’t.
But there are no shortcuts to meaningful relationships.
Following the same pattern and being rewarded for it is like a child learning
to play Chopsticks on the piano and being disproportionately praised. He loves
the praise so much, he plays the same tune over and over, maybe adding a few
variations, but it’s still Chopsticks, and the control is comforting to him and
adds to his confidence. And he misses out on all the other music the piano
could produce – but for that, he would have to learn new pieces, which is
challenging, and takes time, patience, and most of all, humility.
Emancipation takes time. Gloria Steinem is the Rosa Parks of
the women’s movement, and taught us a lot, but absorbing it is a slow process.
The media culture, even in Anno Domini 2016, doesn’t help, with misogyny,
objectification, and body-shaming remaining prominent features. The constant
stream of revelations about Mr. Trump’s escapades make us feel like taking
three showers a day – but he is just one of the reasons why this discussion is
needed so sorely.
