Those Closet Skeletons

Last week in this space I talked about the reported misdeeds of the top elected officers in Virginia – things they admitted to doing or were “credibly,” as the terminology goes these days -- alleged to have done. After my post, I joked to a friend that under modern standards, I couldn’t be elected dogcatcher (and I mean no disrespect to dogcatchers).

So what did I do? Well it wasn’t a crime, nobody was physically injured or bullied, it wasn’t sexual or blasphemous, and no property was stolen or destroyed. It was a comedic skit. Nobody, as I remember, even expressed offense at the time. But it was in really bad taste, the subject matter wasn’t funny, and I should have known better. Am I now going to tell you what it was? No, as I’m not asking for your money nor your vote. And since it was the better part of 60 years ago, I don’t quite remember whom to apologize to anyway. But I am sorry for it to this day.

Our current President has been credibly accused of many things, and in a number of cases, there is hard evidence. So why did he get a pass from voters? Among other reasons, supporters wanted somebody free of the shackles of PC, someone who wasn’t afraid to say the things he felt. 

Just as he represents an extreme reaction to PC, the current atmosphere is an extreme reaction to him. It seems now like we expect our public figures to be angelically pure. But in these days of social media, #metoo, and opposition research, who might that be? Who would want to give up a comfortable private family life to deal with that level of scrutiny, and be exposed to public shame?

It’s one thing to be morally outraged over sins committed long ago by a prominent figure you don’t know. But if it’s about something that someone in your own circle did that offended you, I would ask one thing. The offender might not even know it or may have forgotten. But if you think you’re owed an apology, before you text Ronan Farrow, contact the offender privately, or have a friend or representative do it, and let them know the damage you have suffered. Give them an opportunity to answer and make amends, and in the case of a prominent figure, to take public responsibility for the offense. If they do apologize, you can accept it and go back to your life without having further dealings with them. If that’s not good enough for you , or you believe the authorities or others really need to know. then do your worst. It’s risky, but at least you can say you touched that base of one-to-one contact first.

And going forward, if someone steps on your toes, please train yourself to say “ouch” to their face quickly, loud enough so you know they hear you. Before you pick up that popular modern weapon called public shame, do the brave and fair, thing.