Tying the Ribbons on It

 The title here, of course, denotes the final part of gift-wrapping, bringing something to a conclusion, which is happening on a number of levels now.

Let me start  out by saying that I really hate gift-wrapping. If I have to wrap something that fits in one hand, I inevitably destroy four rolls of wrapping paper and eight of Scotch tape. If there is a pattern in the paper, it always gets on the box cockeyed. The worst part is tying the ribbon. And if you’re in the room watching me, you would hear some language you’re not used to. I’m sure I would be given lifetime membership in the longshoremen’s union. At the end, there are scraps all over the floor. And later, when the gift is presented, after all my agony, it takes the recipient only about 20 second to tear it off and open the box.

I had what I thought was a great idea for a game show.  In my show, each contestant gets the same four items to wrap, and they are supplied with boxes of different shapes and sizes, along with rolls of paper, ribbon, tissue, and tape. They have to wrap the gifts using as little paper and tape as possible. They are judged on their color choices, how tight the corners are, etc. And it’s a race -- who gets it done the fastest. I figured if they had cupcake tournaments on TV, this kind of thing couldn’t be left out. Well, it hasn’t; it’s been going on in some form for a long time. Just another party I’m a little late to.

But I digress. We’re getting a couple of big gifts, depending on your point of view, from the January 6th committee: their recommendations for charges against the former President and their advice about how to avoid another insurrection. Then, there’s  the release of the former guy’s tax returns. Widening out our lens, we can add year-end gifts that include the retirement of Nancy Pelosi from the House speakership, the release of Britney Griner from Russia, and even Harry and Meghan making their definitive case against the British tabloids and their own treatment by the royal family.

What will Santa bring us in 2023? Some early coal in our stockings, again, depending on your point of view - a blizzard of subpoenas and endless House investigations. But hey, Santa, in case you’re taking requests for the new year, how about defeat of COVID and related diseases, a pause in runaway inflation, and maybe even an end to the war in Ukraine, just for starters? Oh, and immigration reform, if there’s room in the sleigh? I know that’s a lot for you, the elves, and the reindeer, but we just have to ask.