Foreign Policy

This week I had to take our relatively old laptop into the computer repair shop, which typically has a moderate turnover of employees. The new and attractive young woman at the counter had an accent. I asked her where she was from. It was Kazakhstan. I hesitated for a second, then said, “Alma Ata.” She broke into an absolutely radiant smile. “How you know this?” she asked.

No, I wasn’t psychic. Alma Ata is not her name. That’s the capital of her country, and happens to be her hometown. I know this because I’m an amateur radio operator and I’m constantly consulting maps. Kazakhstan, of course, was a part of the former Soviet Union, and is where the Russian space center is. Baikonur is that area’s Cape Canaveral.

My knowledge of geography made me a new friend – knowledge which might have been even more useful if I were 40 years younger and unmarried! Anyway, I can safely say that this is the first Kazakh I have ever met in person (I have talked to them once or twice on the radio).

Reverse the process. Let’s say you were parachuted into Kazakhstan, whose language you barely spoke, and you encountered someone who knew a city or two in your country – especially if you were from a smaller city in a less-populated state, and you ran across a Kazakh who knew something about it and perhaps had even been there. You’d probably be smiling yourself, right?

Anyway, seeing the smile on this girl’s face reinforced for me the concept that knowing something about the “Ubeki-beki-stan-stans” of this world, to reference Herman Cain (who?) can have its benefits.

The Cowboy and the Alien

Some of you have heard me quip that if Rick Perry is the cowboy among the Republican presidential candidates, then Mitt Romney must be the alien. OK, so you get the cowboy part, but why do I think Romney’s an alien?

Just to be clear about this -- a relative and I occasionally bestow this classification on certain people we run across. All of us have encountered at least one. They’re attractive, competent and sensible, but gosh darn it, there’s something missing. What it is, we don’t know – but we know it’s why the individual so designated has trouble connecting with us, or with others. I have no doubt that Mitt Romney is qualified to be President. So why does he make even Republicans uncomfortable? It’s that thing that isn’t there. With McCain they worried that his heart might give out at his age; with Romney, is there a reasonable fear that his batteries may die?

Romney’s a great backup in case nobody else works out for the GOP. But Republicans want desperately for someone else to work out. They’re attracted to Herman Cain. He’s decisive. He has plans to fix things. Some of them make a certain amount of sense. He makes them sound like they make sense. He’s the CEO of a successful company who knows what success is. He’s a leader. That’s what Republicans want. Heck, that’s what the country wants right now.

Just one problem. Cain’s a nut case. Off the scale on some things. Come on – do you really agree with him that Sharia law is going to take over our judicial system? What about his statement that he won’t have a Muslim in his cabinet, or appoint one to a federal judgeship?

Which brings us back to the alien. I’d have a really hard time voting for an alien, but as long as we’re in the sci-fi/horror genre, I’d easily vote for a zombie if his name were Teddy Roosevelt.

That’s what’s really missing.