Not in Line for the New iPad

So you’re in the long line outside the Apple Store, hoping to become the fourth on your block to own the new iPad. Enjoy.

Hey, I have nothing against iPads. I just don’t do lines anymore, unless it’s necessary. If we start running out of food or water, OK. But electronics? I don’t think so.

I did stand in line often, in the past, for movies. It started when I was young, when I lived in New York. The big movies would open, like live shows, on or around Broadway. I was literally the first among my friends to see “Lawrence of Arabia” and “Cleopatra.” For the latter, I had to be there for Elizabeth Taylor’s much-touted bath scene. But the movie was four hours long (it cost $40 million to make, an absolutely shocking amount in those days) and to my mind, was rather slow-moving – so I slept through the scene, a fact I didn’t share with my friends anxious for my review.

About 20 years ago, I stood in line to buy a ticket for “Jurassic Park,” but that was mostly to accompany a friend who absolutely had to be the first on his block to see it. It was good, and I’m glad I saw it, but all that cool creature technology may not be enough to stifle a yawn these days..

Where did all this come from? Advertising, of course, which makes you feel deprived if you don’t have the latest and greatest. But the people standing in line for iPads now are probably those whose parents or grandparents got into fist fights over the last Cabbage Patch doll or Tickle Me Elmo to bestow on overly expectant children during the holidays.

I have a relative who gets in line at 3 a.m. outside his favorite store on Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, to snap up bargains. It’s almost a holiday tradition with him now, but I think it’s just a little dangerous.

Impressive as the newest iPad is, Apple fans are going to have to do this line thing without me. BTW, I would think it’s probably wise not to drink too much fluid before you get in one of these lines – or do they have a system for that? Just another thing I’m not up to speed on.