The N Word

The ongoing debate about same-sex marriage is only part of a larger subject: sexual behavior that’s considered “normal.”

When I was in high school, a friend pulled me aside one day and sheepishly told me his mother had caught him perusing a copy of “Playboy” in his room. She took it away from him, but also told him that at least he was “normal.”

Gay vs. straight is only the tip of an enormous iceberg. When it comes to sexual predilections, “common” seems to be a much more accurate, though less comforting term than “normal.” Just read Dr. Kinsey’s and others’ findings. Some people like breasts, others prefer bums. Some like legs, and others, feet. There’s missionary and there’s doggie, as well as daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, and even never. To some, size matters, others could care less. Some like to wear handcuffs, and others like to do the cuffing – you fill in the rest. Accounting for the differences in the wiring of people’s brains, if that’s what we’re talking about here, is a virtually impossible task.

Sadly, there are some predilections that eventually involve victims, such as when adults prey on children. Clearly, such behavior is criminal, and it has to be dealt with in the ways that most effectively protect society.

But what about the attraction to children, for example, in the first place, or other non-standard attractions? It’s easy for those of us who consider ourselves “normal” to label others’ attractions as sinful (“How could those awful people even think that way?”). Perhaps instead, we should recognize -- maybe with gratitude -- that our own brains just aren’t wired in those ways, and that we don’t have to deal with the struggles such attractions can bring.

As I have said before, there are almost as many strokes as there are folks – and as long as no victims are involved – and that’s a very big condition -- what standing do we have on which to judge each other? If you’re looking for “normal” in the sexual proclivities of modern human beings, well, maybe you should ask yourself if you really want to go there at all.