Is My Microwave Oven Spying On Me?

We are by no means Luddites in my house, but we were perfectly content to use a microwave oven that was the better part of 40 years old, until it began emitting strange sparks and flashes not seen since the original 1931 version of “Frankenstein.” It’s a little early for Halloween movie rentals. But we had to think about safety first.

So, we bit the bullet and decided to buy a new oven, and this is a whole different animal in many ways. For one thing, it puts out twice as much cooking power. For another, it has all kinds of bells and whistles the other one didn’t have. With the old one, we just turned the time dial to the desired cooking duration and pressed the button. When it was done, it was done. The new one not only has a digital display, but seems to know what you’re going to cook ahead of time – or maybe it’s my imagination.

There’s a particularly intriguing feature called Total Cook Plus. With this one, you read a code off the package of microwave food you want to cook, punch it in with the oven’s keypad, and the oven cooks the food according to specification – you don’t even have to read the directions on the package.

But here’s the thing: To activate this feature, you have to put in your Zip code. Why on earth would an oven want your Zip code? Well, it figures out the atmospheric pressure where you live. and it makes adjustments accordingly. Such things affect cooking, apparently.

Well, at least that’s what they say. But how do I know it doesn’t have other applications? You’ve been hearing the stories about how electronic devices made in China and sold here are feared to have some “back-door” technology that allows someone sitting at a computer in Fujian or someplace to control the device. I suppose if I’m cooking Chinese food, and someone in China has a better idea of how to do it than the oven does, I should remain open to suggestions. But what else is that oven doing? What kind of data is it mining? It already knows what I eat. What’s next?

This all reminds me of a movie from the 1970s called “The Demon Seed,” in which a computer tries to get Julie Christie pregnant. Maybe that’s a better rental for Halloween.